so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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