I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
