In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
