I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
