May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
