i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
