dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
