Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
