dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
