saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
