god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
3pm strippers are depressing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
