i would punch a child for taco bell
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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