I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
