My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
