I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
false alarm. still invincible.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
