I would go down on you faster than GM stock
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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