Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
