...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
