i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My liver just had a heart attack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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