it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
