Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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