Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
