New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
