My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
