Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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