You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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