Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
