Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
