My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
