You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize