i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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