Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
