Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
