before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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