So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
