WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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