my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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