its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
