The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
