I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
