Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
