Yo dont text me then not text me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i think my cat just said my name.
Im part way to drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
