Me. At least after what I've been through.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
