she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
