I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
