Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fill condoms, not promises.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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