First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
