Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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