He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize