Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
