Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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