Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
