I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
