I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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