The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You made out with two different species that night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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