this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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