They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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