i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
