Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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