I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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