there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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