theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
