in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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