It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
