I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
