I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
