Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
