That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
