I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
