I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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