I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
