everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
