Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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